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Utilizing ego management to achieve balance and harmony in personal growth and development March 20, 2012

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Ego Management.
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We are all trying, through controlling or managing ego, to achieve a sense of equilibrium in our focussed efforts towards personal development and growth, while at the same time dealing with the ups and downs of daily life, or what is sometimes referred to as “the human condition.”

Whatever term you use, be it ego management, controlling ego,  managing ego, or positive thinking, our efforts are directed towards some sort of management system for our mind, so that the sometimes unrealistically positive coloring of the ego, or the ego’s equally unrealistic negative coloring, does not interfere with our conscious efforts towards attainable self-improvement goals.

As a life-long follower of personal growth and development information and theories I have found that ego management, or maintaining mental balance, is essential  in my own personal development because, more often than not, the emotions summoned by the ego can lead to poor choices in actions based the emotions of negativity, fear, or conversely, unwarranted and unrealistic optimism.

This WordPress blog on personal development potential is, in part, a means for me to examine my own emotions and ideas critically and think effectively about the challenges inherent in any program of personal growth and development.  Because of certain circumstances in my life, I had let my blog remain dormant for several years, but recently revived it and also restarted a more structured approach to personal growth and development in my life.

As part of this process of rediscovery, which naturally involves managing the ego and the ego’s efforts to focus on past negativity and fears of the future, I have been reading other blogs on the topic of personal growth and seeing how people are dealing with their life circumstances.  Because of free platforms such as WordPress.com and Blogger.com, many people with good ideas on personal development are writing about their journeys of discovery.

A considerable number of people writing these blogs are managing their lives under very difficult circumstances, including serious illness, depression, and also the grieving process. In a way, at least in my interpretation, they are, in effect, using their blogging as a means of managing their egos and their mindset in a positive way and giving the rest of us the benefit of their experiences, their emotional and intellectual journey, and their hopes for a positive future for themselves and for the readers of their blogs. These blog authors are showing great courage and generosity of spirit in sharing their emotions with us. They are also giving us a lot of good ideas for positive personal growth and development.

On a number of these blogs that I have come across, the authors relate their often very difficult circumstances and state openly that they are using their blogs, at least in part,  to help them deal with their life situations and to hopefully help others who are also facing trying times in their lives.  These authors are on a courageous and public journey of personal development.

Their motives and actions are to be commended.

Problems, solutions, focus, and the limits of positive thinking in personal development March 16, 2012

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Solving Problems.
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There are times in most of our lives when we feel overwhelmed by problems, when the mere thought of starting or continuing with a life-changing personal growth or personal development seems beyond our capabilities.  And so, in these circumstances, we may tend to turn to an over-simplified type of positive thinking, often in the form of affirmations as a hoped-for way out of our dilemma.

And indeed, positive thinking is important as a starting point, but thoughts alone will not solve our problems. Tony Robbins emphasizes this point in his book Notes From a Friend: A quick and Simple Guide to taking Charge of Your Life.”

At slightly over 100 pages, this personal growth book is much smaller, more concise, and speaking personally, I found it easier to digest and implement than Robbins’ other books, such as Unlimited Power and Awaken the Giant Within,  which number in the hundreds of pages and which are very detailed in terms of step-by-step programs to follow.

Robbins comments, “…positive thinking alone is not enough to turn your life around. You must have some strategies, some step by step plans for changing how you think, how you feel, and what you do every single day that you’re alive.”

He points out that our thinking and our belief systems ( including positive thinking) although not a cure-all, can play an important role, however, in getting us in a proper mindset for moving forward and achieving success in our personal growth efforts. He gives us this advice: “The only thing that’s necessary to make this work for you right now is to begin to believe that it is possible to change. The past doesn’t matter. Whatever hasn’t worked in the past has nothing to do with what you’ll do today. What you do right now is what will shape your destiny…You can’t ‘beat yourself up’ about what’s happened; instead you must immediately focus on solutions instead of problems.”

I could have used this advice about concentrating on solutions instead of problems, a number of years ago, when as a freelance consultant, I was at a low point in my finances. I had just left a business I had helped personally start and develop for five-plus years. I had been working full days every day on it, but revenues were not enough to live on, and so I had used up most of my savings trying to keep the thing going. Finally, I had to recognize that it was not going to work, and cut myself loose.

For some time, however, instead of making an effort at developing a program of goals for finding a solution to my financial problems, I spent a lot of time just worrying about the situation. Needless to say, this was not productive, as the time spent in fretting about the financial difficulties did nothing to relive the situation regarding the need for money. I was really focusing on the past and what had gone wrong (problems) instead of looking towards the future (solutions).

Eventually however, I started looking for new opportunities for consulting and began contacting people I knew in various industries and began to contribute to some small projects and then landed a one-year contract heading-up a significant project.  After that some new opportunities arose including several long-term profitable assignments.

From a personal development or personal growth perspective, I had been concentrating my energy on my problems and not on working on developing solutions. As soon as I changed my focus, positive things started to happen.  If you want to look at this scenario from the perspective of intentions and manifesting, you could say that when I was focusing on the problems and their circumstances, I was in a negative intention state and the result was negative manifestation, or a continuation of the problems.  When I focussed on solutions or positive intentions, positive results began to manifest.

Essentially, I was setting a goal when I started focusing on solutions; a goal of doing something tangible towards solving the problem of difficult financial circumstances. As a result of being in this “action mode” I was able to recognize and capitalize on opportunities when they manifested.  If I had stayed in the state of worrying and fretting about my “financial problem” it probably would have got worse.

Of course, when you focus on finding solutions, you do have to spend some time looking at the problem(s), but you will be doing so in a more analytical way, and you are taking action instead of stewing about whatever is causing you difficulty. Concentrating on the problem without investigating possible solutions sets in play negative thought patterns which can eventually result in significant frustration and possibly lead also to low self-esteem.