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Personal growth: How to keep New Year’s resolutions December 29, 2017

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Personal Development Potential.
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Conventional wisdom in the world of self-improvement and self-actualization often tells us that will power is the key to achieving our goals in life. However, I just came across an article in the New York Times that makes a strong case for a more effective and sustainable approach for keeping our resolutions and achieving our long-term personal objectives.

In a column titled The Only Way to Keep Your Resolutions (1), David DeSteno (2) writes:

“We too often think about self-improvement and the pursuit of our goals in bracing, self-flagellating terms: I will do better, I will muscle through, I will wake up earlier. But it doesn’t need to be that way, and it shouldn’t: Self-control isn’t about feeling miserable. The research on self-control shows that willpower, for all its benefits, wanes over time.”

DeSteno argues that a better approach than sheer grit and will power lies in “increasing how much we value the future” and suggests that we can accomplish this better by developing our “social emotions.”

Here’s the link to his article:

(1) New York Times website, December 29, 2017

(2) David DeSteno, a professor of psychology at Northeastern University, is the author of the forthcoming book “Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride.”

—Dennis Mellersh

Personal growth: Misconceptions on “doing what you love” December 28, 2017

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Personal Development Potential.
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One of the ironies of our wanting to earn our living by “doing what we love to do” is that we may not be very good at what we love doing, and in fact, are actually more talented at doing something else; something we do not find as fun and enjoyable.

Moreover just because we may love doing something, it does not necessarily follow that, financially, we should be able to make a livable income through doing it.

To keep insisting to ourselves that we should be able to earn our living by doing what we love can be a needless source of frustration and, ultimately, disappointment

We need to seriously consider, for example,  if what we love doing, such as creative writing, is a vocation for which we are actually  willing to spend a huge amount of time in learning the skills needed to convert our interest or “love” of “doing” to a professional level of ability.

I think the word “love” is overworked and perhaps misused and misdirected in the self-improvement context of it being a requirement to love what we do in order for it to matter, or be fulfilling.

Does a brain surgeon “love” doing the work of the surgery itself, or does the surgeon enjoy the work, but love the endgame of improving and often saving the lives of their patients.

We sometimes ask too much of ourselves in our personal growth efforts, and in thinking we are not respecting ourselves unless we “love” our work is an example of this.

What’s wrong with simply “liking” and enjoying our work, but saving our love for something deeper?

We can like our work, but love the ultimate objective, or reason, of why we are doing the work.

—Dennis Mellersh