Personal development: Are we trying too hard to feel happy? January 14, 2018
Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Solving Problems.Tags: achieving goals, happiness, life, negative thinking, personal growth, philosophy, psychology, self-actualization, solving problems, writing
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When we are in a low mood, a non-happy mood, no amount of will-powered effort is likely to get us out of the low mood. In fact the harder we try to be happy, the more frustrating and pervasive our low mood is likely to become.
This is one of the observations in Dr. Richard Carlson’s book, You Can be Happy no Matter What (1). Dr. Carlson discusses the five principles that he believes can have a significant effect on our happiness and feeling of well-being.
One of the key principles he identifies is that of moods and their influence on our behaviour, and he emphasises:
“…you can’t force your way out of a low mood any more than you can force yourself to have a good time doing something you don’t like. The more force (or thought) you put into it, the lower you sink.”
The big take-away for me in the book is his observation that when looking at our circumstances or problems, which could be difficult, that they will seem bleak and perhaps hopeless when we are in a down mood, but the same circumstances and problems will seem more manageable and solvable when we are in a higher or good mood.
And although that seems self-evident, Dr. Carlson notes that when we are in a down or low mood, we simply cannot see the upside and positives of our situation, no matter how hard we try.
His suggestion is to postpone significant decisions when we are in these low periods and wait to take action until our mood improves, which it generally will, on its own. At that point we will be in a better psychological place to make sound decisions and initiate appropriate actions.
(1) Richard Carlson Ph.D., You Can Be Happy No Matter What, New World Library, Novato, California, 1997, 141 pages
Personal growth: Wasting people and wasting words April 4, 2017
Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Solving Problems.Tags: Confucius, life, lifestyle, personal development, personal growth program, philosophy, self-actualization
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By Dennis Mellersh
Knowing when we should share advice and when we should withhold it can be an important skill or aptitude to develop in our personal development and self-actualization learning program.
Sometimes we don’t share when our input is needed by someone and other times we share when the recipient is not open to receiving it.
The ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius sums up the predicament this way:
“When a person is capable of understanding your words and you refuse to speak, you’re wasting a person. When a person isn’t capable of understanding your words and you speak anyway, you’re wasting words. The wise waste neither words nor people.” (1)
Not always easy however to determine which of the two divergent scenarios we are dealing with.
That’s why it’s a skill; and it takes some time and work to learn.
(1) Quoted in The Analects as translated by David Hinton in his book The Four Chinese Classics
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