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Managing the ego can produce significant personal development benefits March 14, 2012

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Ego Management.
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If we can accept the broad definition of Eckhart Tolle that the ego is essentially the constantly chattering voice in our head, or our incessant thinking about the past and present, it is clear that controlling the ego needs to be part of a successful program of personal growth, a program, which by definition, must focus on the actions we take in the present.

The ego, which is sometimes wrongly identified only with excessive pride or egotism, can in fact be a voice that discourages us, a voice that makes us fearful and concerned with all the worrisome “what if” scenarios that could unfold in our future. Similarly the ego can hang us up in the past with the many “could have” or “should have” situations we revisit from our past life.

The ego, or the constantly thinking voice in our head, often prevents us from enjoying the present moment. The only way we can seem to avoid this non-stop voice of the ego is to become totally absorbed in something. This is one of the reasons why we all enjoy hobbies or favourite pursuits; we are looking for relief from the voice in our heads that will not leave us in peace. This is when we are “in the zone” and are too preoccupied to allow the ego to interfere. In effect, this is when the  ego is shut out.

In his seminal book, A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle presents his idea of what life would be like if we could exercise control over the ego, or effectively manage the ego: “As the ego is no longer running your life, the psychological need for external security, which is illusory anyway, lessens. When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change. ..If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns into fear. If it [uncertainty] is acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness and creativity.”

In many ways the concept of personal development or personal growth does indeed focus on the future, but it does so in a positive way rather than repeatedly walking a never-ending path of a future filled with the obstacles of negativity and fear. There is no harm in our thinking about the future in a positive way and making plans for personal improvement, because by doing so we are removing the element of apprehension from our egos.

Taking concrete steps to plan for the future is vastly different than worrying or fretting about the future, but not taking tangible steps to realize our goals. However, as most of us have discovered, calming the ego, controlling the ego, or managing the ego, is not an easy task. That is why the word development is used in the term “personal development.” Development is a constant and continuing process, and even though the goals are in the future, the action towards a positive future is being taken in steady steps now,  in the present moment.

There have been many books, videos, and other information sources developed with the goal of helping us to live in the present moment and enjoy the “now.” Many of these suggestions focus on meditation and other spiritual practices. These approaches can be important as components of our overall personal growth programs and our strategies for self-improvement.

But taking action on realizing our gaols is also vital. Focussing on a goal in the present, or planning in the present for achieving our future goals keeps us focussed on the positive aspects of the  present moment.  And that is one of the best ways to control the ego, or at least to minimize the ego’s tendency to fill the present moment with regrets about the past or foreboding about the future.

Managing the ego to focus on achieving tangible goals March 13, 2012

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Ego Management.
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A great deal of personal development information focusses on the need for generating positive feelings and attitudes and the overall desirability of positive thinking.

However, it is often difficult to achieve this, primarily because in attempting to always think positively, we are, more often than not, faced with what we regard as negative realities.  These realities might be the need for a job or a better paying job, meeting the mortgage payment, looking after a sick child, overdue bills, worrying about an elderly parent; the list goes on.

The events and circumstances of everyday life are not always positive and it is difficult to be totally positive in our outlook when faced with a lot of difficulties that are not being resolved.

I am not saying that we can’t control our ego, or our mind, to think positively, but sometimes it is more practical to achieve a positive attitude by accomplishing a small goal, or a portion or sub-set of a larger goal, and thereby achieving a positive outlook through taking action.

I remember a sign I once saw when I was in my doctor’s office for a check-up, which said something like: “You can’t think yourself into a new way of acting; you have to act yourself into a new way of thinking.”

The idea being that we are more likely to be able to achieve a positive frame of mind or mindset, by taking action right now, in the present moment, by working on a solution to our problems one-by-one,  and feeling positive in that we are doing something real and tangible about negative situations, or challenges.

The concept of personal development is much wider than concentrating a lot of time and effort in an attempt to think positively. Much of personal development, and thereby much of controlling our ego, or mental outlook lies in tackling difficulties and making progress with life’s challenges.

Adding up the successes achieved in small action steps can equal a positive feeling of accomplishment.  And, the operative word in all of this is doing some work on a challenge now, not focussing all of our present mental energy on trying to create a future mindset of positivity. A useful personal development maxim that might help is: “We are all called upon to create our own future.” This quotation was also from a sign in my doctor’s office.