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Problems, solutions, focus, and the limits of positive thinking in personal development March 16, 2012

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Solving Problems.
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There are times in most of our lives when we feel overwhelmed by problems, when the mere thought of starting or continuing with a life-changing personal growth or personal development seems beyond our capabilities.  And so, in these circumstances, we may tend to turn to an over-simplified type of positive thinking, often in the form of affirmations as a hoped-for way out of our dilemma.

And indeed, positive thinking is important as a starting point, but thoughts alone will not solve our problems. Tony Robbins emphasizes this point in his book Notes From a Friend: A quick and Simple Guide to taking Charge of Your Life.”

At slightly over 100 pages, this personal growth book is much smaller, more concise, and speaking personally, I found it easier to digest and implement than Robbins’ other books, such as Unlimited Power and Awaken the Giant Within,  which number in the hundreds of pages and which are very detailed in terms of step-by-step programs to follow.

Robbins comments, “…positive thinking alone is not enough to turn your life around. You must have some strategies, some step by step plans for changing how you think, how you feel, and what you do every single day that you’re alive.”

He points out that our thinking and our belief systems ( including positive thinking) although not a cure-all, can play an important role, however, in getting us in a proper mindset for moving forward and achieving success in our personal growth efforts. He gives us this advice: “The only thing that’s necessary to make this work for you right now is to begin to believe that it is possible to change. The past doesn’t matter. Whatever hasn’t worked in the past has nothing to do with what you’ll do today. What you do right now is what will shape your destiny…You can’t ‘beat yourself up’ about what’s happened; instead you must immediately focus on solutions instead of problems.”

I could have used this advice about concentrating on solutions instead of problems, a number of years ago, when as a freelance consultant, I was at a low point in my finances. I had just left a business I had helped personally start and develop for five-plus years. I had been working full days every day on it, but revenues were not enough to live on, and so I had used up most of my savings trying to keep the thing going. Finally, I had to recognize that it was not going to work, and cut myself loose.

For some time, however, instead of making an effort at developing a program of goals for finding a solution to my financial problems, I spent a lot of time just worrying about the situation. Needless to say, this was not productive, as the time spent in fretting about the financial difficulties did nothing to relive the situation regarding the need for money. I was really focusing on the past and what had gone wrong (problems) instead of looking towards the future (solutions).

Eventually however, I started looking for new opportunities for consulting and began contacting people I knew in various industries and began to contribute to some small projects and then landed a one-year contract heading-up a significant project.  After that some new opportunities arose including several long-term profitable assignments.

From a personal development or personal growth perspective, I had been concentrating my energy on my problems and not on working on developing solutions. As soon as I changed my focus, positive things started to happen.  If you want to look at this scenario from the perspective of intentions and manifesting, you could say that when I was focusing on the problems and their circumstances, I was in a negative intention state and the result was negative manifestation, or a continuation of the problems.  When I focussed on solutions or positive intentions, positive results began to manifest.

Essentially, I was setting a goal when I started focusing on solutions; a goal of doing something tangible towards solving the problem of difficult financial circumstances. As a result of being in this “action mode” I was able to recognize and capitalize on opportunities when they manifested.  If I had stayed in the state of worrying and fretting about my “financial problem” it probably would have got worse.

Of course, when you focus on finding solutions, you do have to spend some time looking at the problem(s), but you will be doing so in a more analytical way, and you are taking action instead of stewing about whatever is causing you difficulty. Concentrating on the problem without investigating possible solutions sets in play negative thought patterns which can eventually result in significant frustration and possibly lead also to low self-esteem.

Putting our negative thinking into perspective February 16, 2012

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Solving Problems.
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In our efforts to accelerate our personal development potential many of us read a lot of material from people who are regarded as experts. Essentially, in readings this personal improvement literature, we are seeking advice on how we can grow and be happy and fulfilled  in the face of the many problems that are an inescapable part of daily life, or what the philosophers call the “human condition.”

In my own reading, a constantly appearing suggestion I find from experts is that we should think positively, and so we make efforts to get rid of the negative thinking which we all engage in periodically. But, often, no matter how hard we try to dismiss those negative thoughts, they continue to resurface. In fact, it can sometimes seem that focusing on eliminating those negative thoughts just seems to reinforce their intrusiveness in our thought process. Our potential for developing personal happiness seems to be captive to an endless and destructive loop of negative thinking that we cannot escape.

It may be however that our focus on trying to dismiss our negative thoughts actually reinforces their presence. If we are to believe the principles of the law of attraction, what we think about is what we are likely to become. So ironically, by focussing on eliminating our negative thoughts, our focus may be manifesting as more negativity. We can become frustrated and depressed that particular thoughts, which we do not want to have, continue to enter our heads.

In his book, You can be Happy no Matter What, Richard Carlson, Ph.D., makes the following point: “There is an important distinction between understanding thought and denying it. Understanding our ability to think allows us to see that thought, in and of itself, is harmless. The fact that something comes to our mind does not necessarily make it worthy of our concern. Denial, on the other hand, suggests a sort of pretending that we are not thinking about something, or that a problem doesn’t bother us. The two are not related…if we deny that we are thinking about something or that something is bothering us, we will still feel the effects of the thought we are denying.” In a later chapter Carlson book Carlson comments, “Common sense will tell you that the more you think about something, the more those thoughts will grow in your mind and become real.” (See Note below)

No matter how much we understand our thought processes however, it is almost impossible to prevent, or get rid of, all negatives thoughts. Someone hurts our feelings, we see or read a disturbing news item, an unpleasant personal interaction event happens at work – it is normal to be bothered by these “negative” situations. But usually, as time passes and other positive events fill up our days, for most of us, such thoughts will usually fade into the background.

For a major problem affecting our lives however, a problem that has become a “worry” that we keeping thinking about, taking some sort of action towards resolving the situation can be the best way to lessen our constant preoccupation with it. The great majority of us have the potential to take some sort of positive actions on our major problems, or worries, such as difficult financial situations or health concerns, for example.

Before taking action, and to help alleviate continuing to worry about the problem, it is important to put the problem into perspective. There is a prayer, which can also be used in the form of a non-religious spiritual intention, which reads something as follows: “God grant me: the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” Although this appears to be simple advice, it is difficult to do –  it takes tough intellectual work to put all of our worries into this perspective.

Speaking for myself, I have found that many of my personal “problems” grow and develop because of my habit of procrastination. I put off doing my tax returns, but continue to think about it, until it becomes a last-minute crisis, and has to be completed with a lot of stress right at the filing deadline. My small problems thereby have the potential to become big problems because I often procrastinate taking action on dealing with them.

Once I do take action, however, I usually find that the situation I have been procrastinating about does not take as much time as I thought it would, nor is dealing with it as stressful as I had anticipated.

Note: My copy of You can be Happy no Matter What is a paperback published by New World Library. It is not long, at about 150 pages, and perhaps because of its conciseness,  I have found it contains a lot of helpful guidance that has proved useful to me.

The book is divided into two main sections: The Principles; and Applying the Principles. The section on principles contains the following sub-chapters: the principles of thought; the principle of moods; the principle of separate realities; the principle of feelings; the principle of the present moment and a brief review of the principles. Part 2 is about Applying the Principles, and features the following: relationships; stress; solving problems; happiness; habits and addictions; and a checklist for your life. The introduction that Carlson wrote to the book is helpful in outlining the concepts he presents, and showing us to use the book effectively.