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Personal development: Are we trying too hard to feel happy? January 14, 2018

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Solving Problems.
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When we are in a low mood, a non-happy mood, no amount of will-powered effort is likely to get us out of the low mood. In fact the harder we try to be happy, the more frustrating and pervasive our low mood is likely to become.

This is one of the observations in Dr. Richard Carlson’s book, You Can be Happy no Matter What (1). Dr. Carlson discusses the five principles that he believes can have a significant effect on our happiness and feeling of well-being.

One of the key principles he identifies is that of moods and their influence on our behaviour, and he emphasises:

“…you can’t force your way out of a low mood any more than you can force yourself to have a good time doing something you don’t like. The more force (or thought) you put into it, the lower you sink.”

The big take-away for me in the book is his observation that when looking at our circumstances or problems, which could be difficult, that they will seem bleak and perhaps hopeless when we are in a down mood, but the same circumstances and problems will seem more manageable and solvable when we are in a higher or good mood.

And although that seems self-evident, Dr. Carlson notes that when we are in a down or low mood, we simply cannot see the upside and positives of our situation, no matter how hard we try.

His suggestion is to postpone significant decisions when we are in these low periods and wait to take action until our mood improves, which it generally will, on its own. At that point we will be in a better psychological place to make sound decisions and initiate appropriate actions.

(1) Richard Carlson Ph.D., You Can Be Happy No Matter What, New World Library, Novato, California, 1997, 141 pages

Personal growth: How to keep New Year’s resolutions December 29, 2017

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Personal Development Potential.
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Conventional wisdom in the world of self-improvement and self-actualization often tells us that will power is the key to achieving our goals in life. However, I just came across an article in the New York Times that makes a strong case for a more effective and sustainable approach for keeping our resolutions and achieving our long-term personal objectives.

In a column titled The Only Way to Keep Your Resolutions (1), David DeSteno (2) writes:

“We too often think about self-improvement and the pursuit of our goals in bracing, self-flagellating terms: I will do better, I will muscle through, I will wake up earlier. But it doesn’t need to be that way, and it shouldn’t: Self-control isn’t about feeling miserable. The research on self-control shows that willpower, for all its benefits, wanes over time.”

DeSteno argues that a better approach than sheer grit and will power lies in “increasing how much we value the future” and suggests that we can accomplish this better by developing our “social emotions.”

Here’s the link to his article:

(1) New York Times website, December 29, 2017

(2) David DeSteno, a professor of psychology at Northeastern University, is the author of the forthcoming book “Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride.”

—Dennis Mellersh