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Using the values sieve for personal growth and development March 30, 2015

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Concept of personal development.
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By Dennis Mellersh

One of the problems many people face when first tackling a largely self-directed program of personal growth is that of being overwhelmed by the sheer scope of what they think may need to be done.

It can all seem to be “too much” to take on if we assume that our entire personality, behavioural characteristics, and general life habits need to be thrown out the window and replaced with the many elements, and/or key principles  of one or more  programs of  self-improvement.

The difficulty results from having an “all or nothing” approach; from thinking that everything we are doing, or not doing, needs to be changed, modified, or improved.

Maybe it does, but not likely.

A better approach is to realize that you can make choices and that you are probably in better mental and emotional shape than you may realize; otherwise you would not perceive the need for making any changes at all in your life.

You already have the self-knowledge and personal values to take a selective approach to decide what you need to do now, what can wait, and what does not need to be done.

It’s like using a sieve, which can be mechanically defined as a utensil for sorting out a mixture of larger particles from finer or smaller particles. Or in archeology, where a large sieve is often used to separate the valuable artifacts from the debris, gravel, and earth on an archeological site.

Similarly, in the case of personal growth prioritizing, you can use an intellectual sieve, based on your self-knowledge, and emotional and intellectual intelligence to separate immediate, short-term, and long terms goals for your personal improvement efforts.

And, to separate what you need to work on from what you don’t need to work on.

Personal growth: When our generosity can be misguided June 19, 2014

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Concept of personal growth.
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As part of our personal self-development programs, many of us include making an effort to improve the level of qualities such as generosity in our intellectual and emotional make-up.

And clearly, this is worth doing and is win-win – as long as we temper this impulse with moderation and good judgement.

When we make the effort to praise someone’s efforts or achievements, for example, we are in fact being generous; somewhat different than giving money to someone who is in need, but it is generosity nevertheless.

In some circumstances, however, it can be problematic when the generosity of our praise is given so as to not hurt a person’s feelings or to flatter them. It then becomes false praise and false generosity.

In some cases, if someone is asking our opinion about a project they have accomplished, they are seeking analytical input from us rather than wanting “feel-good” praise from us.

They are looking for a learning and growth experience from our judgement. They want our generosity of “praise” to be well considered and meaningful.

The ancient and revered Chinese sage and teacher Confucius often looked to others, such as his students and disciples to add critical (analytical) input to his thinking.  He did not consider himself to be all-knowing, and he did not want uncritical admiration and blind acceptance of his principles.

The following comment by Confucius about one of his disciples, Yen Hui, illustrates this concept:

“The Master said: ‘Yen Hui’s never helped me much: no matter what I say, he’s delighted.’” (1)

(1)  Confucius, The Analects, as translated by David Hinton in his book The Four Chinese Classics