Personal development: Are we trying too hard to feel happy? January 14, 2018
Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Solving Problems.Tags: achieving goals, happiness, life, negative thinking, personal growth, philosophy, psychology, self-actualization, solving problems, writing
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When we are in a low mood, a non-happy mood, no amount of will-powered effort is likely to get us out of the low mood. In fact the harder we try to be happy, the more frustrating and pervasive our low mood is likely to become.
This is one of the observations in Dr. Richard Carlson’s book, You Can be Happy no Matter What (1). Dr. Carlson discusses the five principles that he believes can have a significant effect on our happiness and feeling of well-being.
One of the key principles he identifies is that of moods and their influence on our behaviour, and he emphasises:
“…you can’t force your way out of a low mood any more than you can force yourself to have a good time doing something you don’t like. The more force (or thought) you put into it, the lower you sink.”
The big take-away for me in the book is his observation that when looking at our circumstances or problems, which could be difficult, that they will seem bleak and perhaps hopeless when we are in a down mood, but the same circumstances and problems will seem more manageable and solvable when we are in a higher or good mood.
And although that seems self-evident, Dr. Carlson notes that when we are in a down or low mood, we simply cannot see the upside and positives of our situation, no matter how hard we try.
His suggestion is to postpone significant decisions when we are in these low periods and wait to take action until our mood improves, which it generally will, on its own. At that point we will be in a better psychological place to make sound decisions and initiate appropriate actions.
(1) Richard Carlson Ph.D., You Can Be Happy No Matter What, New World Library, Novato, California, 1997, 141 pages
Personal development: Our never-ending search for happiness December 26, 2017
Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Concept of personal development.Tags: books, happiness, inspiration, life, personal growth, psychology, self-actualization, self-improvement, writing
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It is interesting to note that the United States’ Declaration of Independence did not declare “happiness” to be an unalienable right, but rather “the pursuit” of happiness; so the government, if not encouraging of, at least should not be placing obstacles in the path of the individual trying to achieve happiness.
In the case of the Declaration of Independence in 1776, the word happiness was likely to mean generally the right of the individual to work, without interference, at achieving their goals and reaching a state of relative fulfilment in their life.
Certainly these days there is a strong effort in the self-actualization movement to seek happiness, with an abundance of expert advice on achieving happiness, such as Richard Carlson’s helpful book, You Can Be Happy No Matter What.
Contributing to the elusiveness of the search for happiness is how each of us defines happiness; and this can be very personal – happiness is not an emotional commodity with a cookie-cutter definition.
Consider these synonyms for happiness: joyfulness, bliss, rapture, gladness, elation, ecstasy, contentment, satisfaction, well-being.
It is impossible to have a life totally free from any pain, sadness, or suffering so, for most of us, it is not always possible to be constantly elated or joyful.
The philosopher and social thinker Eric Hoffer, who had a tough life, has a rather bleak assessment of the possibility of happiness within the human condition, perhaps influenced by his own personal background:
“It is the testimony of the ages that there is little happiness – least of all when get what we want. Many outstanding persons who reviewed their lives in old age found that all their happy moments did not add up to a full day.” (1)
But perhaps Hoffer was defining happiness as being bliss or ecstasy, rather than satisfaction, or well-being.
Personally I think happiness can be as simple as doing things we really enjoy doing while also being free from emotional pain.
(1) Eric Hoffer, in his autobiographical book Truth Imagined
—Dennis Mellersh
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