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Personal development: Are we trying too hard to feel happy? January 14, 2018

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Solving Problems.
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When we are in a low mood, a non-happy mood, no amount of will-powered effort is likely to get us out of the low mood. In fact the harder we try to be happy, the more frustrating and pervasive our low mood is likely to become.

This is one of the observations in Dr. Richard Carlson’s book, You Can be Happy no Matter What (1). Dr. Carlson discusses the five principles that he believes can have a significant effect on our happiness and feeling of well-being.

One of the key principles he identifies is that of moods and their influence on our behaviour, and he emphasises:

“…you can’t force your way out of a low mood any more than you can force yourself to have a good time doing something you don’t like. The more force (or thought) you put into it, the lower you sink.”

The big take-away for me in the book is his observation that when looking at our circumstances or problems, which could be difficult, that they will seem bleak and perhaps hopeless when we are in a down mood, but the same circumstances and problems will seem more manageable and solvable when we are in a higher or good mood.

And although that seems self-evident, Dr. Carlson notes that when we are in a down or low mood, we simply cannot see the upside and positives of our situation, no matter how hard we try.

His suggestion is to postpone significant decisions when we are in these low periods and wait to take action until our mood improves, which it generally will, on its own. At that point we will be in a better psychological place to make sound decisions and initiate appropriate actions.

(1) Richard Carlson Ph.D., You Can Be Happy No Matter What, New World Library, Novato, California, 1997, 141 pages

The role of managing the ego in enabling the Law of Attraction and influencing positive personal development March 14, 2012

Posted by Dennis Mellersh in Ego Management.
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In recent years there has been a lot discussion about the dynamics of our minds and our thought processes, or ego management, and the concept that improper channelling of our thoughts can lead to negative results regarding workings of the Law of Attraction.

If we simplify the concepts of managing our ego, controlling our ego, or regarding our ego as a management challenge; and also simplify the concept of the Law of Attracting to stating that positive thoughts attract positive results and negative thoughts produce negative results, it is clear that our ego or simply the workings of our mind can have a definite influence on some outcomes in our lives.

Although the concept of our thoughts or our egos influencing life outcomes is as old as the written word, and is a key component of wisdom writing from ancient times to the present, it is only recently that the idea has been codified with the words the “Law of Attraction.”

There is some thinking that, by taking advantage of the Law of Attraction, if we can only think abundance and not scarcity, for example, then we can attract abundance in our lives. It all seems simple, mystical and magical.

However, many critics of the popular concept of the Law of Attraction note that all the ego management we can muster, and all the positive thoughts we can produce are not enough to solve many of the serious problems we face in our lives, and which the people of the world face in their day-to-day struggles to survive and prosper.

I am not saying that ego management, ego control , mind control, or thought control applied or implemented towards the Law of Attraction does not work, but I do believe that it works differently than the simple and popularized conception of: abundance  thinking = attraction of abundance; or scarcity thinking = attraction of scarcity.

I believe that The Law of Attraction does exist, but in a more complex way than has been popularized, and I also think there should be recognition that there is also a Law of Repelling, or, stated in more familiar terms,  a Law of Non-Attraction.  It is our conscious decisions in managing our mind, our thinking, or our ego that energizes these laws, or principles; coupled with positive actions.

My own experience with the Law of Attraction and my so-called Law of Non-Attraction or “Law of Repelling“ is that if we take positive actions, such as working on specific goals in a program of personal development and start to have success with various components in our personal growth program, we are likely to have a more positive personality. By achieving successes through managing our ego to focus on setting goals and achieving them, we start to recognize additional opportunities for growth and can capitalize on them.

The Law of Attraction might say that we are “attracting” these opportunities, but what is really happening is that we are allowing these opportunities to present themselves to an open, accepting mind, and to an ego that is confident and not fearful of change.

Similarly, if we allow our ego to run rampant with negativity, do not attempt to accomplish any personal growth gaols and thereby create a positive mental attitude, we will not likely  be in a position to recognize opportunities as they manifest, and in effect could say that the Law of Non-Attraction is operating.

As another example, if we are facing significant financial problems and start to manage our ego or mind to begin looking at possible solutions and setting realistic goals to make or save extra money, instead of worrying about our money difficulties, then we are more likely to recognize opportunities in the financial sphere when they present themselves.  Proponents of the everyday interpretation of the Law of Attraction might say we are attracting“ those opportunities.

Conversely, if we focus our ego or mind on scarcity and continuously worry about the bad financial circumstances we are in, we are not likely to be in a position to seize chances to improve our finances when favourable circumstances arise. The negative focus of our ego or mindset is then blinding us to opportunity. Proponents of the usual interpretation of the Law of attraction would say that this is a demonstration of scarcity thinking = scarcity attraction.